I'm really, realty not ok. Before I get into that though, here's what I've missed writing about the past few days:
-Rope performance with Aisha. It went very well, until Cat decided to put her fingers, causing a mark, under the rope on Aisha's neck.
-Master and Beth missed my performance. I freaked out, but handled it pretty well. I used coping skills.
-Client to kick out, SD client, and triggery-gentle client.
-Saw Mars, finally. Experienced sex at gunpoint. Loved it.
-Found an amazing 4 bedroom house. I have the applications now, and I'm very, very anxious about them.
Physical: tense muscles, nerve pain, very hot, dizzy, hard to eat, headache
Mental: Mind racing,debilitating anxiety. I can't do anything. I've barely fed myself and taken meds. I made a phone call to the rental agency to get the applications. I had nightmares all night, and all day. I called in to work. I tried to pay bills, and couldn't. No texture is ok.
Emotional: So, so overwhelmed. Scared. Small. I can't deal with strangers. I can't walk to the mailbox. I can't stop shaking. I'm flitting between little, and big, but small, and the whiplash is insane. Neither state is better. I want Master, and Arcane, and Beth, and no one else. I'm really stressed that I didn't work today. Lance is mad at me, I think. I'm scared about not getting a house. It seems insurmountable. I don't know what I need.
Help.
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