Physical: I have a headache from allergies, and I knocked my back out of place from cleaning the kitchen (but hooray clean kitchen!) My legs disappeared earlier and I ended up on the ground surrounded by glass. So that's not great. But I rested my legs and had salt and water and I can at least walk unassisted now. I didn't take any clonidine this morning, and I ate cottage cheese which I think helped. Beth is bringing home Freddy's, so that's good too. I'm actually bleeding again.
Mental and emotional: I'm very dissociated today. I'm having trouble connecting to anyone. But I'm doing well pretending! Beth and I had a client who wanted to watch us together, and I did well at that and with interacting with the client. And Solomon was scratching me while I cleaned the kitchen and I responded normally, I think. I have almost had emotions several times, but I kmow they are spirally and instable, so I'm just letting myself dissociate. Last night was rough, but I cant even think about it because I'm so foggy from dissociating. I would like to find a time for catharsis and processing and dealing with all those things though.
I've noticed that I'm pretty active and bouncy, until I lay on the bed. I don't know if I need to cleanse the bed, or if I am just responding to being horizontal. Either way, I'm pretty stuck if I lay on the bed.
Cuddles feel good. Kissing feels good. I want to cuddle amd kiss with Beth. I'm definitely developing some feelings there, and I suspect they are too.
I asked Solomon to cut me later. We'll see howthat goes.
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