Monday, October 30, 2017

Journal 10/30/17 Morning

I haven't written these in awhile. I keep meaning to, and I've just been having a hard time focusing lately. But I'm going to make it a priority, at least twice a day, and I would like, if it's available, some accountability (though I will not rely on that)

Physical: Things hurt. I'm very tired. My sleep last night was restless. My allergies are bad. My head hurts. The UTI I was afraid of seems to have calmed down, mostly.

Mental and Emotional:

There is the aforementioned lack  of focus, also alternating with extreme hyperfocus. It's really odd. I'm a little jumpier than usual, and alternating between very hungry and not hungry at all. I am also a bit disconcerted, because I still feel engaged with my life, and I am still conscious of wants and likes and dislikes, but I dont feel a lot of emotion. I feel untouchable. I feel like nothing particularly matters. I feel nihilistic. I don't care about much of anything (except my dynamic and my Master, but that is much more a choice and commitment than a feeling currently.)

....and now I lost focus and forgot what else I was going to write.

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Journal 11/9/17 Afternoon

I am very tired. My body hurts. I've done a lot today, and had a few days of not optimal sleep. I wore a corset for the client we took, ...