First Thoughts

My thoughts on M/s are changing and growing, and it's good, but hard to keep up with. Here's what I'm starting with.

I used to say "A dominant to tells you what to do, while a Master tells you what to be."

And that's not entirely inaccurate. If I were to change that phrase with what I know now, it would read "a dominant guides you in what to do, while a Master guides you in what to be." 

I started slavery in the Gorean branch of things, and I've had to unlearn a lot of philosophies that came from that. 

I use to think that a Master takes a slave and makes them and trains them. The Master gets to make a being to their design and specifically to please them. The slave gets to be taken care of, absolved of worry, responsibility, and fault, so long as they do their best to be pleasing and follow rules. It's a good trade.

WRONG

That view was pretty pathological, actually. See, if I were to be absolved of responsibility, and just "programmed" then I could, in theory, become a pleasing slave, much like a perfectly made robot. That's the dream, right? And gods help me, that still does sound wonderful. My life has had so much trauma and crisis, that being a robot sounds really fucking good.

But that isn't fulfilling. It's lonely. For everyone involved. And it's impossible. And it's crippling. 

See, it's easier to change the direction of a moving object than a static one. And waiting for direction, and training, and force, and programming makes me really hard to direct. It takes more force and more effort to be effective, and it's draining for Master. And in that situation, I'm really not actually static anyway. I'm sinking. I'm not a blank slate. The experiences, traumas, and mental illnesses that I've accumulated over 24 years require active work to stay ahead of. Without that, not only am I hard to direct, I'm moving backwards. And then, not feeling like I'm moving forward or being directed, I just grow resentful.

It's important for me to have forward momentum of my own, especially because no momentum isn't actually possible. And time and life goes on, and so do I.

But as a slave, I would be (and am, although the name isn't there yet) committed to forward momentum, and to responding to the guidance from my Master.

For me, the best analogy is ballroom or swing dancing. I wouldn't stand, waiting for the lead to push my body one direction or other. I move as well as I can, fluidly, and without resistance to the lead's subtle cues. Slavery is a commitment to being the follow in that metaphorical dance.

A slave keeps moving. Another example is a river. It follows the past of least resistance, and adjusts based on the stimulus it receives from the riverbank, rocks, etc. 

My Master's Fetlife name is RobertReins, incidentally. Reins. Not engine. Guiding, not pushing.

What does keeping moving look like? What is the real life application of following the past of least resistance? For me, it's hedonism. I do what feels good. Being healthy feels good, so self care feels good. I follow desire.

My training in Gor taught me to respond to the question "What do you desire?" with "To be pleasing."

That was one of the reasons I ran from my role as a slave. I didn't desire to be pleasing. I had ideas, and values, and plans, and wants. I wanted those.

It turns out, I can have my cake and eat it too, because that isn't what slavery should be. Because my real desire?

To be good.

How do I know what "good" is? Well, I don't believe in morality. "Good" is defined by my Master. And he guides and molds me in that direction. 

I'm not very trusting of other people's view of "good" and I've fought him a lot on his philosophies. After almost 4 years, I'm seeing over and over that he was right, and his vision is better than mine could ever be. That trust has been built, and I commit to following his vision, communicated through
subtleties that I may not yet understand.

That awareness and focus, on keeping forward momentum in this dance, and responding to leads from my Master, is at the core of slavery, as far as I understand.

I offer a commitment to that focus, and to the trust that he will guide me in what to be. I choose his vision of "good".

My Master, my teacher, my diety.

Coming next time: Free is sweeter than forced