Journal 7/22/17 Evening

The house feels peaceful and so do I. I was a bit unsettled earlier, and I realized that I was having some sensory processing issues. I thought about the list of coping skills and I went and put on cuffs. It helped . I'm happy that I effectively remembered and used a coping skill. What also helped was eating ice cream and cuddling. I wasn't anxious when Master fell asleep like I normally am, I think because we were all cuddled up. It was best when he was putting some kind of pressure on my head or neck.

Physically: pain in my back, stomach, and abdomen. General nerve pain everywhere. Cold.

Mentally: Slightly more stable. Active, but I mostly just want to sleep. I don't feel depressed or manic really, and not as OCD as yesterday.

Emotionally: See above.

In addition to all of that, I don't exactly feel sexual, though it doesn't sound awful. I really want to give Master a blowjob, though. He just smells so good. Pheromones from testosterone shot, maybe? I feel a little bit playful too. What sounds particularly good is choking, biting, hair pulling, spanking, and caning. Not violent types of those things, but the strong, sensual kind. Like when Master is asleep and does things.

I'm also vividly aware that today marks a week since Master began considering taking me as his slave again. I asked for him to not tell me an amount of time. However, he did say the amount of time in his head was a week to consider.
I'm very anxious (the excited, anticipatory kind) for when he does accept me. I should say "if" but I'm really hoping it's "when".

I'm channeling that anticipation into productivity though. It feels really good.

I'm aware that he's still very tired and drained. I wish that I knew what would be helpful to him. I hope he can get what he needs this weekend. I hope that I can be supportive, despite my own instability.


that's much of how I feel tonight: I hope.