Journal 11/23/17 Morning/Afternoon

I feel great again today. Last night was very restful, and I got to wake up cuddling with Master, both of us all sleepy, which is a rare treat. I also think sleeping in cuffs helped physically, and with anxiety. The house still feels really good.

I'm slowly developing a routine for myself over the past week or so. In the past routines have been very regimented to feel good to me. Now, I'm sort of building around elements, which is new for me. Getting something in my body (apple, fruit cup milk) shortly after getting up helps me not get stuck. When I've gathered my spoons, I'll get some more substantial food, and some lemon water. The next segment, which is a bit more flexible, is blogging and coffee or tea, and music. This part can be mixed in with makeup, errands, etc. It's a priority for the first quarter of the day, but I'm (pretty successfully) working on maintaining a certain level of flexibility, while grounding myself in the morning with a few key elements.

Master picked my clothes and jewelry today, and there's no androgyny, goth, or even a bit of hardness or intensity. It's a little bit dysphoric, actually. But I'm dealing, and that feels a certain kind of good. Maybe I can think of this sort of thing as "slave drag"


Physically: My back is flaking and I really want it all scrubbed off. I need a shower badly, but I want to dye my hair first. I haven't actually showered in almost 3 weeks. I have some urinary tract pain, and it seems to be worse when I drink soda, so I guess I should avoid that. I also had a weird sharp pain this morning in my lower left quadrant. I'm a bit tired, but it's probably dehydration.

Mentally: I'm fairly clear headed, calm, and able to follow things.

Emotionally: I'm calm, but all full of nervous anticipation. It sounds like I might get a "yes" today. I'm trying to not get terribly invested, because this is a marathon, not a sprint, but I am pretty sure that whenever that moment comes, whether today or another day, it will be very intense, and probably overwhelming for me. I'm nervous, and excited.
I feel like I could go either way today, with self directed or submissive and following. That's fairly interesting, and a bit surprising for me. But probably good?

Music mood: (New category! It's an experiment!): Cannibal by Ke$ha, and Power and Control by Marina and the Diamonds.