Physical: Bruised, my eyes hurt, I'm achey from being in the car all day, period.
Mental: Easily confused, easy overwhelmed, hard to slow down or quiet my brain without emotional fallout. Lots of forgetfulness, and losing my train of thought. Easily overstimulated.
Emotional: Anxious, probably droppy, about to cry, nothing is "right." Restless, fussy. I can't seem to make myself go little or primal as easily as I usually can. I simultaneously want to scream and shut down. Green chile didn't even help. Nothing seems good except shopping or shoplifting. I want emotional and verbal and physical connection from Master, but I am very fussy about what that looks like. I don't want to play, or fuck, or eat, or watch Netflix, or sleep, or be home. The only thing I've actively enjoyed today was 99 cent Goodwill, and some of the time that Master was petting my head. I don't what I want or need, and besides shopping or shoplifting, the only thing that sounds ok or even vaguely appealing is a robot/doll/toy/objectification thing (and yes, I know I freaked out about that the other day) and just following specific, concrete, clear orders: anything from "sit here silently until I release you" to "kneel with your head in this toilet"
A shower sounds ok. A blanket. Soft things. A new bear. Making grumpy sounds and glaring and fussing. A kid movie.
Yeahhhh: maybe I should just be little. That did help with spacey and drop in the past.
.... which also solidifies that I really need to not wait 48 hours to journal. It would have saved everyone a lot of frustration.
Oops.
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