After a good meal, coffee, talking with Master, cuddles, a little bit of masochism, actually taking clonidine, being at the park, and having some little time, I'm finally doing better. My gods, I'm high maintenance!
Alternative journal structure:
Slave: I'm really developing trust in Master's process. Today, I couldn't figure out how to be ok, so I let go and let him try. And for once, I didn't frantically question his ideas. It worked. A little bit of trial and error, but it worked.
Orlen: My gender is pretty nonexistent today. My sense of self was reaffirmed in a realization that the Bairds are not my family. I died to that old life two years ago, and I need to break that connection with even my siblings. That's not my life, that's not my name. (Beth got me a name change packet today, in fact)
On that note, today is the first time my little felt like they were named Orli and not Dari. I'm thinking the internal child little went through the therapeutic growing up process, and now I have a little side by choice, which is nice.
I'd like to redo the identity ritual, though. But this time, with the cleansing process being my own. I can make the choice myself now, whereas before, I needed Master to do it for me.
Orli: Uhhhhhh? People? I don't know. That's all complicated, and I'm not touching it tonight.
Whore: I didn't get to work today, and I'm sad about it. I'm hoping I'll get a lot of clients tomorrow. I'm back to liking my job. I just hate not getting clients.
Kierna: Missing. And I miss her. Come back!
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